kittyism is...

a little bit of guh

2011-11-16T18:40:00.001-05:00

I have over-saturated myself with the internet this past weekor so, and not in a good way. No, just in that old way that seems to feed SLB,to nourish her beyond the point that everyday insecurity can. She’s loud andfit right now.

Also, she’s angry that I’m not going to let her have anyorange words right now.

I haven’t picked up a pencil in a few days, and I’m justover that. I’ve had enough of her.

I’m reassembling my doodle spot, and then I’m shutting offthis computer for a while. I really need to teach myself some moderation inthis thing.

baked daily

2011-11-12T12:22:00.001-05:00

all the time

2011-11-11T09:09:00.001-05:00

everywhere

2011-11-10T11:40:00.001-05:00

and sometimes gather

2011-11-09T12:18:00.001-05:00

in this thing

2011-11-08T09:08:00.000-05:00

Sometimes nothing feels better than to put on some music and just wait for the images to fall out.

These pages were doodled to an Old Crow Medicine Show on repeat. No plan involved, just going to where it takes me and letting the pencil move.

Sort of makes me lonely for weeds and wildflowers and porches.

Well, at least this way I get to visit.

found her

2011-11-07T15:48:00.000-05:00

and on again...

2011-11-02T15:29:00.000-04:00

and on...

2011-11-01T13:37:00.000-04:00

squirrel

2011-10-30T17:27:00.001-04:00

they just continue to happen

2011-10-29T17:26:00.000-04:00

now and then

2011-10-23T23:41:00.001-04:00

not a lot of words....

2011-10-16T23:50:00.000-04:00

been busy, though...

2011-10-02T22:14:00.000-04:00

yes

2011-09-11T18:04:00.001-04:00

the new kitchen

2011-09-09T20:20:00.000-04:00

Watching this vid by Milliande inspired the hell out of me this week. Sure, we use different materials and themes and such, but I am really starting to fall in love with grid style journaling. I've done similar things before... but just, you know CLICK!

Yeah, I figured the writing blog illustration shit would eventually start sliding over into the art journal. I didn't so much count on the art journal/writing stuff just not fitting so well on the writing blog. Not yet, anyway, but it's all still in the pre-dating phase. I'm just glad to have pencils, to be honest.

I'm not even screaming with frustration over the fact that the journal is just too lumpy to get good scans anymore. See? Calm.

So many thanks to Milliande. My brain has been busy.

And here's Janie and Charlene in the new kitchen.

They're just glad that Michael does all of the cooking.

slow going...

2011-08-31T19:14:00.003-04:00

Wrinkly.

moving on...

2011-08-28T17:07:00.000-04:00

Moving past the last three weeks of sinus problems and television brain jelly. Sometimes I wonder if my attention span disappears like this every year at this time.

I can't remember.

But I did pick up the pencil again. It's a start.

confession.

2011-08-10T21:43:00.002-04:00

Having a bit of a dry spell.

trying to plan the spontaneous...

2011-08-03T16:24:00.000-04:00

Half here, half there right now.

Lots of faces and no backgrounds. I has a flip-flopped crazy. Anyway, this is the last page I actually finished.

I've developed this weird habit of making components of things this week. Hopefully I'll figure out how to make the most of that.

okay, seriously...

2011-07-31T15:10:00.001-04:00

Dear Universe,

Remember all those times last winter when I randomly begged you for warm weather? I'd just like to let you know that you have gone above and beyond. Please feel free to stop now. Maybe just pull back about thirty degrees...

Thanks,
kitty

We've had a bit of an air conditioning blow up this week, so I've had to keep my art journal at a friend's house to prevent the pages from melting together. It feels so odd, not having it there all of the time...

I have been drawing in the beater sketch book, and the stuff from there will eventually be added to the journal. Sort of obsessed with rounded, cartoon-y eyes and whimsical faces right now.

I think the heat is just making me want to meld some sort of candy aspect into everything. I like that.

See, I said something positive about the motherfucking heat.

rain

2011-07-25T18:54:00.000-04:00

So it's one thing to hope for rain to cool down this blazing hot summer, right? Yep, that's one thing. I did that.

It is a teeny bit cooler.

So now why to I so feel the need to spray pages outside?

Contrary brain just isn't very cute today.

sniffle

2011-07-23T19:03:00.000-04:00

It has been one of those backgrounds, circles, gesso,coughing, sneezing, stuffy head, fever, so you can’t rest weeks. Hello there,summer cold. I think I’ll make some backgrounds, then sit and stare at them.

Where did you get the idea that anyone would beinterested in another hypochondriac health update?

Well, SLB, I probably got it from the same place I got theidea to put my little paintings and art journal pages up where folks canactually see them if they’d like. This cold is making me very tired, and I havedone less drawing and painting. I hope that making note of how lousy I’ve feltand how little art I’ve done will help me find a way to push through thefatigue and keep going even on down days.

I did draw a cuttlefish, but that was early on in the week.I see more cuttlefish in the future, because I sort of have a crush on themright now.

PBS Create is showing back to back wine shows today. Iusually turn off the TV when the house clears out, but I’ve kept this runningin the background because it’s making me want to draw bottles and glasses,maybe grapes.

I have spilled a box of markers and pencils on the floortoday. I have spilled my big container of brushes today. I keep knocking shitinto the floor. If I didn’t feel so crummy, I would just get down on the floorwith everything dumped out around me and work.

I picked it all up, though. I’m staring at the box ofpencils and markers right now. Part of me wishes it was better stuff, butanother part of me knows that I’m lucky to have what I have. I’m lucky to befaced with the challenge of making something beautiful with what I have onhand.

Something tells me that if I won the art supply lottery, Iwould still be sitting somewhere with a mechanical pencil and a tub of gesso. Maybenot.

Where was I going with that? I don’t know. This is probablywhy I call it rambleday.

Perhaps randomday would be better, but no… I’m going toramble. I just like the feel of that word more.

My art journal is getting harder to scan as I work deeperinto the book. I’m doing what I can with what I have to work with, but I findmyself cropping out shadows along the side more and more. Or sometimes justleaving them in the photo… which is something I don’t love, but something Ihave to just deal with until I figure out a good solution. (By good solution, I do mean free solution.)

I wonder of I should be more tech-y. Maybe I need an artpartner with tech-y leanings.

See, now there’s another ramblethought. Art partner. Most ofthe time art is my good solitude, but now and then I would love to share theprocess with someone, or work alongside someone on different projects. Artpartner. Does that happen?

I mean, not so much a class. I often wish I was sitting at atable with my sister, both of us working on something. I like that thought.

very low energy

2011-07-21T19:22:00.000-04:00

comfort food

2011-07-18T19:32:00.002-04:00

Jump, fucker.

2011-07-17T18:07:00.000-04:00

I just can’t seem to find my blue sky today. Feeling dulleddown, and like I can’t even work up a tear for it. I have hope, though, thatthis is just one of my days. I have afew excuses that might even be reasons, but they’re just too tired to tell.

Hope comes from knowing how often I absorb inspirationwithout even realizing it. I hope my brain and my heart are just taking alittle sponge break.

Sick of drawing your little orange slice flowers, areyou?

At times, but I find myself drawing them by the dozen. Sickof you too, SLB. Don’t even try to get me worked up today because it ain’t evenhappening.

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve completed three 8x10canvas panels, three small wood pieces, and three journal pages. This isincredibly productive for me.

I am currently tryingto ignore SLB. She has a bucket of anxiety and wants to use it to shut me down.Sitting here writing this is taking more energy than I have.

I have a blank 16x20 stretched canvas propped up on thechair beside me, waiting for me to face my fear that I can’t make enough tocover large surfaces anymore. The fact that I am going to cover the shit out ofthat big white surface just made me grin a little bit.

I should run. Orange slice flowers refuse to drawthemselves.

accidents...

2011-07-13T14:51:00.002-04:00

Ever have something accidentally turn out better than you thought it would?

I didn't like working on these canvas panels at all at first... then it sort of just clicked.

And then I ran out of everything. Well, I ran out of everything besides pencils, so I'm okay.

influences and inspirations...

2011-07-11T19:20:00.001-04:00

I’ve been thinking about my influences lately. Seems likethe more art I make, the more obvious they become. It isn’t deliberate. I’vebeen working intuitively lately, and I don’t usually notice it until I’m donewith the page. I also don’t think my work looks a lot like the stuff I’mfiltering.

Why are you having so much trouble with the words?Feeling a bit unoriginal?

Well, “original” is a pretty ridiculous concept when itcomes to… pretty much anything.

I’ve just been sort of having this boom of stuff lately. Isee my sister’s influence in it quite a lot. I love the sinuous quality of thelines in her work, and how provocative and strong it is. Her women are vibrantwith energy and emotion. I want that, and though I don’t think my stuff willever have that same sizzle, I feel that studying what she has done has pushedme to use color and longer, more expressive lines in my own way.

You mean you’ve tried to express something other thanapathy or isolation?

You know, those are things that I deal with all of the time,and they’re going to be there whether I like it or not. I think what I’mfiguring out is that they are not the only slices on the pie chart.

There’s a link to Elaina’s art blog in the sidebar. Justlook for the beautiful painting of a woman in overalls… This be the button. Goand look. Scroll back. You will not regret it. Also, just to make it easier here are links to her art blog and her poetry blog.

I’ve been drawing, doodling, painting (mark making) for aslong as I can remember. I have no formal training, and there are years longgaps where I didn’t even pick up a pencil for anything more elaborate than ashopping list, but I always come back to it. And I miss myself when I don’t doit.

Art therapy is an amazing thing.

A few years ago I started seeing artists on youtube. Thishas been very cathartic for me as well. How can anyone resist being inspired byfolks like Tamara Laporte or Suzi Blu? They show up at the party. They arefabulous and talented and generous, as are women like Samantha Kira Harding and Effy Wild, just to name a couple.

So, how long is it going to take you to figure out how tolink their pages? We both know how hopeless you are with that stuff.

I’ll figure it out.

Let’s hope so. You’re already late to your own selfimposed blabfest here.

Anyway, I did take a couple of Suzi Blu’s online classes acouple of years ago when I had the means to do so. I also took Tamara Laporte’sfree Art, Heart and Healing class. I found all of these helpful and inspiringand would recommend them to anyone.

But you’re really too flighty to be a very good classparticipant, aren’t you?

Well, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t get anything fromthem.

After I did this page I could see Tamara Laporte’s influencein it.

You might want to borrow a lasso to rope in thatwandering eye before it escapes.

Maybe, but I like the way the color turned out.

Also, after I did this little painting I could see SuziBlu’s influence in it.

What makes me happy about noticing the influences in mystuff is that I can see them, sure, but the work still feels like mine when itcomes down to it.

You know, this post is getting a little wordy…

But I didn’t even mention any of the artists I’ve lovedforever like Alphonse Mucha or Patrick Nagel or Frida Kahloor Frank Frazetta or…

Yeah, too many to list. It’s good, though, having so muchbeauty to take in.

Not to mention music, books, and the flowers on the side ofthe road.

Erm, you just mentioned them.

Can it, SLB. I’m having a moment.

candy

2011-07-08T18:18:00.000-04:00

something

2011-07-06T23:38:00.000-04:00

friends, SLB, and humpbacks...

2011-07-04T20:17:00.001-04:00

Wherein I shrug and hem and haw and explain SLB again…

Yesterday a friend of mine was reading my last blog post,and he turned to me with fire in his eyes and a fighting look on his face. “Whois this saying these things?” He was even in a determined posture when he askedthis. He was ready to TCB.

I love my friends.

I think I shrugged and bit my lip and tried to look allnonchalant. “Oh, that’s just the ball of self loathing that lives inside me.She’s always orange.” See, no big.

His shoulders relaxed, and he gave me one of those looksthat only a real friend will give you. “Okay,” he said, then went back toreading.

Have I mentioned that I love my friends?

The ones who get it in one or two bizarre sentences, whomanage to slip in a little look that says they’re always keeping watch. Youknow, the ones who give you big buckets of freedom to be, but who will also sityou down with a coffee and a chat and call your ass out if they think you mightharm yourself by just being the you that is some scary times you.

Anyway, I think he realized that writing SLB is just mycurrent way of trying not to internalize so much. I mean, I can’t speak forhim, but he did let it go.

Aside from reminding me how amazing my friend is, thislittle moment also made me think that perhaps not everyone who stumbles acrossthis blog understands immediately that SLB is just me confronting, well, me.I’ve been letting her speak for the past couple of months, and have just becomeaccustomed to allowing her out. I put a few words about her in the sidebar, butnot everyone sees that stuff.

SLB is short for self loathing ball. Some people call it theinner critic. When she pops up here, her words are in thiscolor and usually italicized,so she reads likethis. Sometimes she doesn’t even show up, but some posts are prettyorange.

This way, I sort of feel like I’m putting up a flag for mostof the negative stuff.

Having gone on for so long about the hostile bitch in mygut, I figure that now would be as good a time as any to share a page thatmanaged to sneak up and surprise me a couple of days ago. Turns out this pageis about love. It isn’t so much about romantic love, but more about the lovethat is still there when romantic love is absent. How odd is it to find that Istill believe in that, and that it can sometimes pat back the anxiety? It isreassuring to me that I can honestly express this sort of love with art.

Who knew?

swim or fly?

2011-07-03T20:16:00.000-04:00

Swim or fly? Why not both, right?

That’s a bit trite, don’t you think?

Just fuck you right now, SLB.

Niiiice.

Just you wait; pretty soon I’m going to gumption up andstart talking about love. Yeah, you heard me right. Love. Just not this veryminute.

*snicker*

I always seem to get hung up on mermaids, even though myexperience with the ocean is very minimal. I think my subconscious is trying topush me away from the typical mermaid image. Perhaps one day I will do a bit ofresearch and a lake mermaid will fall out of me. Who knows, right? Maybe I’lljust continue to make shit up, which is pretty much fine by me as well.

It seems like it has been a long time since I drew a wingedperson, though I went through a phase of this several years ago. This pagefeels much removed from those old drawings, though. Reminiscent, maybe, but Ialso feel vaguely reminiscent of the person who was doing the drawing. Doesthat make sense to anyone but me?

You seriously just wrote that? What are you, nine?

Okay, for starters I am just trying to be honest and real.All of these words are just a condensed version of where I am right now. Justas the old art journal is my image safe place, this is my exposed words safeplace. I wonder if it will ever happen that I get so sick of your orangey assthat you just cease to be.

Also, what’s wrong with being nine? I’m not nine, havingbeen born forty, but I see no reason to have a problem with anyone who is nine.

Anyway, wings or fins. In some way I have them.

No, not at you so much. More to one side.

2011-06-29T16:54:00.002-04:00

I had a panic attack last night because I ran out of mechanical pencils. Really. Tore the house a new househole, but finally found one.

Art journaling? But why?

2011-06-26T17:47:00.003-04:00

Sometimes your pencil (or brush, or marker, or crayon,infinity) has a snake goddess in it. Sometimes said snake goddess is holding agiant spoon in one hand, and a big cherry that sort of looks more like a smalldark pumpkin in the other. Sometimes she will have wacky hair. Sometimes thiswill happen all at once or maybe over the course of one late night and thefollowing afternoon. Why?

You don’t know, do you?

I do not know. Yet.

The point is just to let it happen, right? It wants tohappen, so why not on a page that can be turned… in a book that can be closed.

One of the things that I really like about this book,though, is that it can be opened.

At least you covered her nipples this time.

I think my mom would agree with you on that one. Truthfully,though, I only did because my brain and my hand just couldn’t agree on the sizeand shape of them, so I ended up following the pencil.

This is as finished as she is going to get, but I do stillhave the idea of progress shots swimming around in my head.

the bit that I actually wrote yesterday...

2011-06-26T17:42:00.000-04:00

So, the universe said, “How about a little reminder thatmost of your complaints are pretty trivial?”

To which I replied, “Um, no thanks, I’m full.”

“No really, I insist. I’d really like for you to try thisone on. I’m calling it carbonated stomachvirus.”

Erm.

Seriously? You share too much.

Yes, I do.

So, yeah, more grumbling and groaning than art-ing thisweek. Add to that crazy, non productive insomnia.

Oh, waaah.

I know, I know.

Anyway, it’s a bit better today, if not completely gone. Mybody is still hesitant to even look at food that might be considered in theleast bit interesting. Yesterday my rebel brain talked it into a cola Icee and a Hershey’s Air Delight bar. They’restill not on speaking terms, but at least they’re not shouting about it rightthis minute.

The taste buds, see, are siding with the brain. They yearnto be entertained.

So, I did start a journal page last night. Feeling a bituncertain of it, as of probably the halfway mark, but not so much that I feelthe urge to abandon it. I’m trying to talk myself into posting an “in progress”shot. I don’t think I’ve done that before, and it is a bit daunting to me.

It feels a bit like serving up cake batter for dessert.

What’s with all the sweets, fatty?

You honestly think that “fatty” is going to derail me forlong at this point in my life? Wrinkles in the rug, SLB. Getting flatter with every step.

So, yes, I’ll probably have a progress shot up either todayor tomorrow. I’ll do it as soon as I can get to my bff’s house to scan it.

But what if you finish it before you can get over there?

It might end up being a completed page. Still, the seed hasbeen planted and progress shots will come when they will come.

I tend to get lost in the journey on these pages I’ve beendoing lately, so I’m interested in seeing a little record of it myself.

i don't even... sigh

2011-06-21T01:51:00.000-04:00

where are we, exactly?

2011-06-18T18:03:00.001-04:00

Very scattered this week. More so than usual. I haven’t madea mark on a page since last Sunday. I know that things have happened sincethen, but my mind only wants to make a few hours out of them. How do a fewhours make a week? Have I spent so much time sleeping or trying to sleep?

I’m trying pretty hard not to get paranoid about my mind, myscrewy memory.

But you probablyshould be paranoid about that shit. Folks have always known what a flaky messyou are, but it’s getting to the point where even you can’t miss it, right?

I’ve always known. What’s the use of paranoia?

Anyway, I have a couple of backgrounds done, waiting for meto turn off the computer and hide from the tv. This might be a good day for about of free writing. Something is pulling at me, and this feels like theclosest I can guess as to what it might be.

It’s stormy out. I like it, but I’m a little unsettled byit.

This is the last art journal page I finished. I loved beingin the lines while it was happening.

But it looks like somethingyou would have drawn in high school.

Yes it does.

mess around with color...

2011-06-14T12:55:00.000-04:00

... if no one else will have you.

and then the next day...

2011-06-11T04:20:00.001-04:00

Be Free...

2011-06-11T03:06:00.001-04:00

I never really got the hang of zentangles. I mean, I’m all for them. I just never really got the hang of them, and never like the way mine turn out. My attention span is short… I lose the thread and get bored about halfway through most of the time.

What I do like is art journaling using a circle as my base. I’ve done this for years. Picked it up in art therapy, and never felt the desire to shake it. If you’ve seen any of the journal pages I’ve posted, you’ll have noticed the circle. I love the circle. The circle pulls stuff out of me.

Earlier this week I was feeling a bit stuck. I made simple backgrounds in my journal. I drew my circles. I sat there thinking about zentangles, and the zentangles, as always, eluded me.

Then something happened. I made a mark. I followed the mark.

And she fell out.

She is not at all perfect, but I sort of love her because she just arrived unannounced out of… me. Following the lines. No plan.

I’ve come to think of her as C’thusan. She is angry and female.

Free drawing. Who knew?

hair

2011-06-09T21:45:00.000-04:00

Hair. Charlie's Angels hair. I love to draw it. I can amuse myself for hours with it. It doesn't matter how the whole picture turns out, just as long as I get to fall the hell into making and blurring lines.

A couple of weeks ago, I took a couple of hours out of my birthday and used them to make hair.

this blue

2011-06-07T19:34:00.000-04:00

Alice

2011-06-05T18:53:00.001-04:00

Have you ever had a great idea, made a little plan for it in your mind, and then just chewed it all to hell?

Poor Alice… You’ll have to forgive the navel gazing here (again) but it’s time. It’s time to let go of Alice. Now if I can only figure out how to do that…

Alice came from a dream I had several months ago. She came to me whole, with a back story and an immediate situation. I could see her, and as it sometimes happens with dreams, I could see through her eyes. I was so woven into this dream that when I woke up I felt lost.

I felt loss. Without going much further into the specifics of the dream, I will say that Alice was waiting for the ending. She knew it was coming, and wore a smile for it. Inside, she kicked at it and raged.

For several days after the dream, Alice’s story grew in my head. Maybe a short story, but no, more than that. A series of paintings. A series of small portraits. Alice at the window in her nightgown. Michael. Their companions in the house.

In my head I painted and wrote. I assembled shadowboxes full of hairbrushes and wristwatches. I imagined the sky that haunted Alice’s artist friends. I could see Alice’s ink bottle, and the stains on her hands.

There is more, but… I’m struggling with it.

What came of all of this? Not a lot.

I made one small painting. I sat this painting aside, picked it up now and again. I added things to it. I washed it over. I scribbled at it and scratched it. Nothing made it what I needed it to be.

Just last week, I decided that it was time to stop picking at this poor, overworked scrap of wood. So it hit me… It hit me very hard that this silly little painting represents a lot of things I’ve held on to, if only in the back of my mind, for most of my life.

See, Alice and I both know that it’s time to let go. Neither of us wants to, otherwise she would have been covered with gesso months ago. We have lived together for a lifetime. We stand at the window and look at the sky and know that the end has to come. We rage and cry, sitting quietly with a little smile on top of everything.

My first thought was to burn her, but I haven’t. I pick her up and run my hands over the wood and still wonder how to let her go.

Funny, the marks we make.

I'm in this!

2011-05-27T23:28:00.000-04:00

Well, this is the art contest I entered. Please give it a look. The vid is short, and there are some really great entries.

srsly...

2011-05-21T10:02:00.000-04:00

Odd week around here. I don’t know. For the past couple of days I just haven’t felt quite right. Yes, yes… nothing incredibly new about that.

SLB: See, sometimes I don’t even have to say anything.

I did make a new painting, and even entered said painting into a contest. This is a new thing for me. I feel good for having done it. I also feel pretty anxious about it.

Sometimes I forget how shy I am. Sometimes my shyness and SLB have crazy parties while I’m trying to sleep. This is how I explain away the fact that I’ve been just plain grumpy for a couple of days. My bits do conspire against me, especially when I decide to poke my head out from under the bed.

Anyway, here is the painting for the contest. It will probably get a varnish coat, and quite possibly a bit of tea staining, but I wanted to get a pic before all of the shiny went into it.

Here’s the contest…

I’ll post the vid for voting when Val puts it up.

Have you recovered from your rapture eve activities yet?

mary

2011-05-16T02:31:00.001-04:00

wood

2011-05-14T14:00:00.002-04:00

I’ve been sitting here listening to Mumford and Sons and painting. See, I find that I love listening to Mumford and Sons… and I find that I must paint on wood when I listen to them. I remember how much I love painting on wood. See how that works?

Maybe it’s the banjo.

I haven’t been art journaling as much these past couple of weeks, but I am feeling a bit of an itch for it. The art journal, though, is not made of wood. Well, ok, technically it is… It’s just not as raw as I need wood to be right this minute.

Perhaps tomorrow.

SLB is just white noise today. Wood and paint will sometimes have that effect on her. There you go.

Thankful.

Mom

2011-05-07T15:14:00.001-04:00

My mom is probably the strongest thread in the whole big ball of crazy that is my life. I just wish she liked herself a little more sometimes.

I could ramble about this all day, but I won’t. Nothing is easy or perfect. We are messy and pretty fucking colorful.

I appreciate her, though, and not only this weekend of the year.

She would probably hate that I dropped the f-bomb there.

But she would also get over it.

a day late...

2011-05-01T14:18:00.003-04:00

SLB: You aren’t going to talk about the wart again, are you?

Me: Maybe in a minute. Oh, ok, now. You know, this wart is just a thing… something to focus on when everything else looms too large. Anyway, it is much smaller now.

I think I suffocated it.

The thing about self deprecation is that… I sometimes find it appealing in people. Not when it gets to the point that these people are folding themselves into a bundle of painfully smiling self loathing or anything, but… you know?

Makes me wonder about myself and my own motivations.

doodled a man.

2011-04-29T15:26:00.000-04:00

I don't do this very often.

tv

2011-04-23T18:07:00.000-04:00

Wart report? Still shiny.

Maybe a wee bit flatter?

Maybe this is just my life… but does it always seem like there’s a television blaring in the background? Not trying to shun tv completely here, but I’m pretty sick of it. Sometimes I feel like I need to hide from it.

And then there’s Glee, right? And then there’s Supernatural, right?

Seriously, that thing should only be on for two hours a week. But then, sharing a bubble isn’t supposed to be easy.

SLB says: It always has to be about you, doesn’t it?

Me: Well, it is my blog.

SLB: Wherein you give a weekly wart report.

Me: If I feel like it. Sure. I think of it as follow through.

I don't know...

2011-04-18T01:16:00.000-04:00

try not to think

2011-04-16T16:11:00.001-04:00

Someone told me that clear nail polish is going to cure me of this bump on my right index finger. I guess it’s a wart. It has been there for a while, small but obvious to me. Now it is glossy. I’m trying the clear polish thing. Maybe it will work, if I remember to keep trying. Maybe I’ll just have a shiny wart. Who knows? I’ve never had a wart before.

Sort of makes me want to paint myself green and cackle, but I think that would get old after the first couple of minutes.

Sometimes it’s difficult to obsess over unimportant things. You have to work at slapping back the big juicy reality things that want to ooze all over the frivolity. Occasionally, it helps to make a list.

Polish toenails. It’s spring already, and you already dug out the polish for your wart.
Read that book over there. You’ve already established that it doesn’t really speak to you. Maybe if you read it you’ll have a better understanding of what you do not like.
Call up someone and bitch about the rain.
Gesso something. That way it’ll be ready.
Tidy the stack of things already covered in gesso. Inventory.
Smoke, while thinking about whether or not it’s time to stop smoking. Pick a date and time to stop smoking.
Consider that it might be easier to polish your toenails if you lost a few pounds. You haven’t picked a color yet, anyway.
If you gesso over the pages of that book, it might make a good art journal. Why are you so appalled by the notion of gesso-ing over someone else’s words?
Blow your nose again. You’re breathing too loud.
Stare at your shiny wart.

What do you do when you can’t fix a tragedy?

Rambleday...

2011-04-09T14:51:00.001-04:00

Rambleday… Yes.

I’ve been thinking lately about my reading habits. I never really thought about this at all until I started writing down what I was reading.

Sure, I have always been a reader, but for the first half and a bit of last year I was reading everything, anything. A lot. Good stuff, bad stuff. I challenged myself to make it through books that I never would have picked up before. I wanted to try everything.

Then August came, and something happened. Well, I should actually say that nothing happened. I tried to read, had plenty of things to read… and yet I couldn’t get past thirty pages of anything. I spent the last four months of the year failing to read. Much.

Honestly, though, I don’t even think I would have noticed that I wasn’t reading if I hadn’t spent the first half (and a bit) of the year obsessively keeping track of what I was trying to cram into my brain. I say this because when I try to look back on my habits before I started writing it all down, I find some pretty big gaps.

Is this failure?

I’ve decided that it isn’t, even though the little ball of self loathing that resides within me would argue.

Self Loathing Ball: You have no follow through.

Me: Sometimes.

SLB: How can you say you love books so much when you often ignore them? There are books right over there. Why haven’t you read them yet?

Me: I tried. They just didn’t… (Fighting the urge to run here.)

SLB: Didn’t what? You might have learned something from those books by now. Stop doodling. That shit’s not getting you anywhere.

Me: (Closing art journal.) Honestly, if I really had any interest in reading those books over there I could make time for reading them. And for doodling. And for meaningful things. Good lord. I do suck.

SLB: At one point in time, you were actually trying to write, yeah? I mean, not that you were great or anything, but didn’t you do that for years or something? What happened to that?

Me: I hate you, aspect of me.

SLB: WINNING. Anyway, back to those books you haven’t read. Haven’t you been sitting there for about a week wishing you had something to read? VIOLA.

Me: Seems as though I need to fall in love with the first thirty pages of a book for reading to happen these days.

SLB: So that’s why you read, let’s see… twelve books from that not so great series about a month ago?

Me: I broke up with that series!

SLB: Twelve books in?

Me: I don’t want to deal with you right now… (Doodling.)

So, yes, I went to youtube and spent a good little while watching Human Centipede – The Musical this morning. That pretty much solved everything.

doodling with a hammer...

2011-04-01T10:51:00.000-04:00

Ever have one of those days, maybe weeks, where you want to fling red paint at everything?

Art Journal Scratches...

2011-03-29T11:08:00.000-04:00

I started a new art journal in March. Something about just the idea of spring I suppose, or just any excuse for crayons and such...

Just now, at 40, coming to terms with the fact that I just don't journal well with words. I write the words, but they aren't enough. They have to be painted over or covered in gesso and sketched upon.

Here's to figuring something out.

2011-03-28T15:50:00.000-04:00

Sometimes life conspires to make a girl love her cave...

Sunday Rah #1 One Bloody Thing After Another

2010-04-10T20:07:00.002-04:00

One Bloody Thing After Another

What can I say about this book? It grabbed me, shook me, and left me haunted.

I went into it with no real expectations, just vaguely attracted by the gorgeous cover art and a short description that was sort of telling, but which in no way lead me to believe I would love this book as much as I do. Unfortunately, I haven't read any of Comeau's other work, but I do plan to remedy that as soon as possible.

This is not a long book, but it is dense with life. As I said, It grabbed me from the start and pulled me in. I identified with each of the main characters. The writing drops you right into something happening, and from that first incident it does not let up, but it is not your usual thrill ride. It's the thrill ride next door. Or maybe it feels a bit more familiar than that, absurd and poetic as it seems. To me, it feels real.

Here's my problem... I don't want to spoil it. The title link at the top will take you to the Goodreads page, and a description. Go there if you will, if one person standing here and shouting, "JUST READ IT!" isn't enough. I'll understand. I'm just the cheerleader.

Thanks go to NetGalley for providing a digital galley.

The Sunday What?

2010-04-10T16:45:00.002-04:00

What is the Sunday Rah?

I mentioned in a previous post that I really can’t seem to make myself write reviews for books because I don’t want to be a critic and because, well, I’m always torn over one thing or another... I fear that with an actual attempt at a review I would probably just ramble on for far too long, most likely arguing with myself.

I also mentioned that while I don’t necessarily feel comfortable reviewing, I sometimes feel the need to pull out the stringy old black pompoms and cheer for books that have moved me. Books that haunt me, stir me up, touch my nostalgia button, or even piss me off in an effective way all fit into this category, motivating me to step forth and shake my dusty cobwebs.

The Sunday Rah is my way of sharing those books with you without having to go through telling you that this is just my opinion, and is probably highly personal. It is also my way to throw out a bit of a plug as a thank you to the authors who have stirred my emotions.

Beautiful...

2010-04-08T21:20:00.004-04:00

Guilty Pleasures #1

2010-03-27T08:56:00.006-04:00

I has them.

You know what I mean. It's those little obsessions, those things that make you catch yourself at enjoying them perhaps a hair too much. You do enjoy them, though... and maybe the guilty aspect makes them just a tad sweeter.

I have enjoyed True Blood from the get-go, but I didn't really sign up for a team until I saw this scene...

Yes, this one pushed me over the line to full on Team Eric captain status. Of course, there were other things that lead up to my downfall, but those were the stairs that lead to the tenth floor. This scene with the Queen and the Yahtzee... this scene is the ledge from which I jumped.

Eric is a baddie, no doubt, but sometimes he's just so subtly, so ridiculously funny that I can't resist him. He's haunted, interesting, a tad clumsy, and he highlights his hair... Mildly Spike-alicious and all kinds of yes!

I think it helps that I always watch True Blood alone. No one else around here cares for it, so I get to warp what I see to suit my own twisted sense of humor. Also adding to the guilty of it all is the fact that I'm talking strictly about the t.v. show here. Eric Northman as portrayed by Alexander Skarsgard. I enjoy Charlaine Harris' novels, but this little pleasure is all about what I can see moving on the screen, all by myself with my cackling little fumbling wannabe dark-side hanging out.

Yes, it's wrong... So?

Have you joined a team yet?

Team Eric... yup

2010-03-22T13:35:00.001-04:00

Eric Northman

Just a little preview for my next post, which is all about guilty pleasures...

Monday Babblings...

2010-03-08T09:30:00.004-05:00

Tempted (front)
Mixed media on scrap wood.

I love book blogs. I really do. I follow them and enjoy them even when I don't agree with everything I'm reading. I like reviews and contests and author interviews... all of it. I even enjoy lusting after the giant stacks of stuff that bloggers get "in their mailboxes."

I thought very seriously about buckling down and changing this blog into a straight up book blog. Very seriously. I even tried to come up with a cat themed rating system for my reviews. I hemmed and hawed. I worked long shifts and neglected to blog about much at all. I fiddled with the template. I told myself that I was going to sit down today, dammit, and start writing reviews.

See, though, this is my brick wall. My brain does not want to write reviews. My brain wants to read books, yes, but it also realizes that what bugs the hell out of me might make someone else slap five blinging stars on a book. My brain does not want to be a critic... though it doesn't seem to mind being a cheerleader now and then.

I've decided to let my brain off the hook. It gets to read what it wants, and maybe sometimes rave about books it likes. If it really needs to point out something critical, it is allowed to do so on Shelfari or Goodreads... If it feels like it.

I'll still read book blogs, and enjoy them and link to them here. I still want to save Amanda Feral. I still want to throw up an occasional contest post, be it my own or a little plug for someone else's. I also want to talk about books... I think I just needed to give myself permission to be more casual about it.

Of course, I'll still be putting up my silly little paintings and projects as they occur. I started this blog to make a place for them. This is where they live.

And I'll still share videos that I love. I tried to talk myself out of that one, but I feel that people just don't get enough exposure to brilliant red heads playing piano. (This does make up about eighty percent of my youtube favorites, I've recently realized. How odd is it, catching yourself in a pattern like that?)

So... I have rambled long enough for one post, I think. Thank you for being there while I justify myself to... myself. And to anyone else who happens to be around.

Tempted (back)

The song for today is Leonard Cohen's Famous Blue Raincoat. Performed by Tori Amos.

February Wasn't Kind...

2010-03-03T16:19:00.007-05:00

...but March has been a real bitch already.

I do miss blogging, though, so here's an unfinished painting!

Charlene 1
Mixed media on canvas.

And just because I can't seem to get enough of him these days...

Oh lordy...

2010-02-02T19:14:00.003-05:00

Well... that template I wasn't going to mess around with went a bit bonkers on me. Back to square one... or square ten thousand and one. Sigh. I need a simpler way of doing everything.

Well, simple with access to teh webz.

This layout is very simple, but I think I can work with it. I'll feel better when I get all of my goodies back on here. This one allows me to put an original painting in the header, which I like.

It's very white, though. Let me know if this is hard on the eyes.

We Have a Winner!

2010-01-30T20:54:00.003-05:00

Thanks to both participants!

The winner of Nicole Peeler's Tempest Rising is...

Steph The Bookworm!

Email me at rekitty96@gmail.com with your info and I'll get your book in the mail ASAP. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Since I only had two entrants in this contest, I wanted to send a little something to The Book Junkie as well. If you would, email your info to the same address.

I hope to have more giveaways in the future, so check in now and again. I love giving books almost as much as I love receiving them.

-kitty

Predawn

2010-01-27T04:52:00.004-05:00

Mixed media on canvas.

She's my goddess of predawn. Ever felt smudgy, yet glorious?

By the way, you can still enter here to win a copy of Tempest Rising. Winner posted January 30th.

It's My Little Blog Birthday...

2010-01-25T19:30:00.005-05:00

Can't believe this blog has been around for two years now.

I originally started this blog after I discovered other naive and folk artists on the web. This brought back my love of creating art, and a desire to share what I do in my own little art bubble with others. Well, she is growing to encompass my love of reading and my desire to share this as well. And I'm loving it.

I've been threatening to share some recent paintings, but I've allowed my lack of a good camera be my excuse for not doing so regularly. I do, though, have a scanner... So no more excuses.

This is Violet. Mixed media on canvas.

I painted her late last year. I had originally intended to make her angry, but she just turned out... not. I worked on her live on Blonde Roots Productions' show on blogtv. (Thank you, beautiful Chandra!)

On the subject of blogtv, I would also like to thank the lovely and talented Karina at Smallflower Sings. On her anniversary show, I was fortunate enough to win a blogtv pro account playing lyrics trivia.

Chandra and Karina usually do weekend shows on blogtv. Please visit them. They're amazing.

In the last post I mentioned a wee surprise...

Somehow I ended up with two copies of Tempest Rising by Nicole Peeler.

Weeeeeelllll... I love this book so much that I'd really like to pass my second copy on to someone who really wants to read it. Here's what we'll do... You leave a comment with your email, and I'll draw a random winner on Saturday, January 30th.

Interested?

(I hope so because this book is really funny and there's warmth and sexy and Jane rocks.)

This is my small way of saying thank you for being there. I can't wait to see what the next year will bring.

-kitty

Well!

2010-01-25T05:21:00.002-05:00

Looking back through the blog for the first time in a while, I just realized that today is actually my two year anniversary! I can't believe I almost missed it.

And I can't think of a better time to breathe some new life into the old girl.

Check back later today for a little surprise.

Ack, now I can't wait to get home from work!

A Trying Start

2010-01-24T15:11:00.002-05:00

Welcome to a post in which I blather on and try to catch up with the world. Try is the operative word here.

In the past three months I have found a gorgeous new-to-me community here in the blog world. Yes, I’m talking about book bloggers. I’ve been amazed by how open and welcoming this community has been. I’ve become hooked, especially when it comes to the urban fantasy/paranormal romance/young adult genre blogs. As my tastes are pretty eclectic, I’m sure I’ll find blogs for other genres, but for right now I’m happy as a clam (Did I just write that? I mean, how happy are clams anyway?) reading all the new authors I’m discovering and reading blogs by people who love to read as much as I do.

Since last November I’ve entered lots of contests, and won several. (Must take a moment’s pause here to squeal –yes, squeal- with delight.) Belated thanks to the following bloggers for their generosity.

I won:

*Strange Angels and Night Shift by Lilith Saintcrow from Book Chick City
*The first six books in the Midnight Breed series by Lara Adrian from What Book Is That?
*Three Days to Dead by Kelly Meding from That’s Queen Bitch To You
*Tempest Rising by Nicole Peeler from Cherry Mischievous
*Rose Red DVD from Book Reader Times

If you haven’t already, please swing by their pages and show them some love. I think you’re in for numerous treats.

Sorry About the Chaos...

2010-01-10T16:37:00.002-05:00

I've been going through templates left and right and hurdy and gurdy. I know. Been searching for something perfect, and while there are some gorgeous things out there, I just haven't been finding things that look exactly how I want, while providing the features and... I'll admit it... the ease of use that I need. I've been letting this get in the way of getting much content on here.

Well, I found this one, and I like it a bunch. I think it will stay for a while.

*Sigh of relief.*

Now I need to go paint a book and read a canvas... or something like that. Thanks for being there and being patient.

Rahr...

2010-01-09T00:26:00.002-05:00

Work and cold weather are teaming up to do me in these days.

Excuses, excuses... I know.

I drool...

2010-01-03T08:36:00.002-05:00

And also lust over the idea of my very own e-reader. Do you? Well, we have a shot! Anya Bast and Lauren Dane are giving away a nook... and as though that isn't enough, they're also giving away free books!

Click here to enter Curl Up with a Book…and a Nook Contest: http://www.anyabast.com/2009/12/21/curl-up-with-a-book-and-a-nook/

I love it! Hurry, though. This ends January 5th.

Ack!

2009-12-29T19:08:00.002-05:00

Please pardon the dust. For the next couple of days the blog will be "under construction." I hope to have everything back and running smoothly by, at the very latest, this weekend.

Gah! What have I done?

I need coffee.

Carrie is now Charlene...

2009-12-10T21:24:00.001-05:00

She told me so.

Painting to come. Story is bubbling.

Teeny Update

2009-12-05T18:55:00.002-05:00

There was snow! Now it's gone!

Hey, did you notice that I sprinkled a few new blog buttons into the mix? You should click on those and check out the designers who create and give these things away so generously.

I'll have a bigger update up soon... Trying to shuffle the notes into a logical pattern.

To Vlog?

2009-11-28T16:18:00.002-05:00

Just wondering...

Would you like to see book reviews in vlog form, or would it bug you a whole bunch?

I've been working my way toward vlogging for a while now, mostly as a way to share art projects, but I was thinking that I might be able to do book reviews this way as well.

Speaking of art projects... sort of... I have one more question. This blog is a bit of a catch-all for art, book love, videos and music I like, etc. Do you think I should have different blogs for art and book love? I kind of like the "mash it all up" of it all, but I'm interested in hearing what you think.

Please let me know. Any feedback would make me have a joy.

Win Betrayals!

2009-11-28T12:29:00.002-05:00

Fantastic Book Review is giving away a signed copy of Betrayals by Lili St. Crow (Lilith Saintcrow, writing YA.) This book is the sequel to Strange Angels, which I just finished and planned on reviewing soon. Exciting!

Go here and check it out!

sandpaper...

2009-11-27T19:37:00.002-05:00

I needs some. I keep forgetting to pick it up when I'm out, though.

Thinking about doing book reviews, but know that they will be of the conflicted sort... as I am of the conflicted sort. Perhaps I will forewarn others of this, and they will understand. And hopefully be interested anyway.

Happy Thanksgiving...

2009-11-26T00:09:00.003-05:00

Muses and Such...

2009-11-21T09:24:00.002-05:00

Drinking green tea with lots of honey in hopes of assuaging this cough...

I just went outside to indulge in the horrible habit. I was just standing there outside the front door, indulging, when I saw her. Seriously. She came out of the duplex next door and down the steps there, into the shared parking lot. Barefoot. Wearing a short, kelly green nightie. She was tall, and not at all waifish. I'm not sure if the red of her smooth bob was her real color, but it did "go" with her milky skin.

She went to the car, then back inside, then came back to the car and drove away. Barefoot. In a pretty green nightie. I've never seen her before, and the car wasn't familiar. She must be friends with the couple next door. I don't know.

But she was Carrie.

You know, Carrie from the story that's been rattling around in my head for a couple of weeks now.

This really just happened. Now I have to write this story down. Because I just saw one of the main characters in my parking lot.

I love green tea.

And one day soon the horrible habit will be gone from me.

Just not today.

Gobby Loves You...

2009-11-16T20:48:00.002-05:00

Just a little Goblin to make Monday a bit sweeter.

You like King?

2009-11-06T23:18:00.002-05:00

Go here to win a copy of Under the Dome. I'm giving it a shot.

http://rkcharron.blogspot.com/

While you're there, check out the blog and share some book love.

Christopher Moore love!

2009-11-04T23:14:00.002-05:00

Go to chrismoore.com for the first two chapters of Bite Me. The book won't be released until February of next year, so this little preview gave me a joy. If you enjoyed Bloodsucking Fiends and You Suck, you'll love this little nibble.

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T13:49:00.005-04:00

If you love urban fantasy and/or paranormal romance, Book Chick City has an amazing Halloween Bonanza giveaway going on. Would you like to win one of three huge book bundles, and perhaps a secret prize? Well, then, go here: http://www.bookchickcity.com/ You'll need to scroll down a bit for the contest, but heck, you might as well give the blog a look-see if this is your thing.

Give it a shot... Free Books!

*Love*

Also... You should watch this and love it.

bitta...

2009-10-24T17:04:00.002-04:00

Bitta writing, bitta reading, bitta painting, bitta gluing... I like-a this, yes.

Does anyone know of a copyright button other than creative commons? I love CC, but I'm not sure that it will cover some of the stuff I would like to post soon.

I really need to get a decent camera, or at least hook up the scanner.

2009-10-24T09:34:00.000-04:00

Skhizein from Josef K. on Vimeo.

oh, you...

2009-10-16T06:08:00.002-04:00

...pretty things. Love.

My sis posted this on facebook a couple of days ago... and I just can't get it out of my head.

And then there's this...

One of these days I'll post some art. I swear, I am painting.

gesso is love

2009-10-15T05:12:00.001-04:00

Never underestimate the therapeutic powers of gesso.

today is the day to...

2009-10-04T12:17:00.004-04:00

*fall victim to the joy that is instant coffee... yum.

*work on that painting, even though it isn't turning out at all like you imagined it.

*reread a little more Moore. You could use the laughs.

*organize ze art supplies and make a real space for the utilization of said goodies.

*just do some of that shit that you're always thinking about doing.

*listen to the free bollywood sampler you downloaded from amazon... on repeat.

*get rid of a shitload of old clothes and random stuff.

*seek out many cat hugs.

*and then some.

It's October (shocktober, chucktober) and it's finally beginning to feel like autumn around here. I love that. I'm hanging on to it for dear life.

good constructive criticism...

2009-09-29T05:18:00.002-04:00

I think I just got some, in the form of the phrase, "I really like the ones you do where the people are actually doing things or have things going on around them." Now, hours later, it's just starting to sink in that this phrase makes good sense.

Not that I'll ever stop doing straight up portraits... Just as anything I write will probably always be mostly character driven. Still, the idea lingers that I can actually have these fascinating characters do a thing or two.

Who knew?

Ooooh... I have an idea for a new painting. Where is time when you need it. I want a kittybot I can send in to work so I can stay home and paint, dammit.

teh awesomes...

2009-09-27T11:22:00.000-04:00

look ma...

2009-09-26T08:39:00.002-04:00

Hey, know what you should do around three-ish today? You should go on over to www.blogtv.com and make yourself an account. You might like it... and also, you could then watch me co-hosting live with the lovely and talented Chandra of BlondeRootsProductions. There will be painting and chat! Promises to be great fun... The link to the BlondeRoots Productions page is http://www.blogtv.com/People/BlondeRootsProductions

Come on and help me cure this infernal shyness... please.

music...

2009-09-18T06:05:00.003-04:00

Okay... I know that some people are put off when a playlist starts up as soon as the page loads. I get thatand I'm cool with it. Just have a bit of patience with me. I'll be altering mine to no longer do that sometime either tonight or tomorrow morning. That way if you like the music I like, you can just go over there to that round purple thing on the right and hit play. Rock.

See, I'm coming back.

Update: Done! Only I changed the skin, so now the player is more of a black and purple bar.

hello purple...

2009-09-06T14:54:00.002-04:00

So, apparently I'm up for purple right now... Funny how I didn't realize this until it happened. Still trying to whip the page into some sort of shape, so please forgive the lopsided quality of it all. Or hate it. Or enjoy it. Whatever you like.

I'll put up pics of the current projects just as soon as I can get my picture taking and scanning problems worked out.

And ugh because I can't find the sandpaper.

But overall, I feel okay right this minute. You?

shhhh... don't tell anyone...

2009-08-29T19:55:00.001-04:00

I started a painting.

Yellow...

2009-08-06T09:37:00.002-04:00

I've never been much of a yellow person... until recently. Seems as though I want all of my pages and blogs and things to be shades of yellow. I'm enjoying tea-stained color. Wish I could get this blog to look just the way I would like, but this will do for now.

Sick today with some traveling stomach virus, so I stayed home.

I have so many ideas to implement... but right now I'm just cleaning up a bit and waiting for Jim to get back from NJ.

I'm ready to unclutter my life.

Can't. Resist. Desire...

2009-07-03T15:47:00.002-04:00

To pick up a soft leaded pencil and make marks with it.

It has been a while. Lots of overtime. A move.

It feels like it's time now, though.

Feels a bit scary, a bit interesting again.

yawn

2009-06-30T06:07:00.002-04:00

How does one cure sleep hangover from a six month nap?

Ah... I'll figure it out.

*yawn

2009-06-30T06:07:00.000-04:00