I’ve been thinking lately about my reading habits. I never really thought about this at all until I started writing down what I was reading.
Sure, I have always been a reader, but for the first half and a bit of last year I was reading everything, anything. A lot. Good stuff, bad stuff. I challenged myself to make it through books that I never would have picked up before. I wanted to try everything.
Then August came, and something happened. Well, I should actually say that nothing happened. I tried to read, had plenty of things to read… and yet I couldn’t get past thirty pages of anything. I spent the last four months of the year failing to read. Much.
Honestly, though, I don’t even think I would have noticed that I wasn’t reading if I hadn’t spent the first half (and a bit) of the year obsessively keeping track of what I was trying to cram into my brain. I say this because when I try to look back on my habits before I started writing it all down, I find some pretty big gaps.
Is this failure?
I’ve decided that it isn’t, even though the little ball of self loathing that resides within me would argue.
Self Loathing Ball: You have no follow through.
SLB: How can you say you love books so much when you often ignore them? There are books right over there. Why haven’t you read them yet?
Me: I tried. They just didn’t… (Fighting the urge to run here.)
SLB: Didn’t what? You might have learned something from those books by now. Stop doodling. That shit’s not getting you anywhere.
Me: (Closing art journal.) Honestly, if I really had any interest in reading those books over there I could make time for reading them. And for doodling. And for meaningful things. Good lord. I do suck.
SLB: At one point in time, you were actually trying to write, yeah? I mean, not that you were great or anything, but didn’t you do that for years or something? What happened to that?
Me: I hate you, aspect of me.
SLB: WINNING. Anyway, back to those books you haven’t read. Haven’t you been sitting there for about a week wishing you had something to read? VIOLA.
Me: Seems as though I need to fall in love with the first thirty pages of a book for reading to happen these days.
SLB: So that’s why you read, let’s see… twelve books from that not so great series about a month ago?
Me: I broke up with that series!
SLB: Twelve books in?
Me: I don’t want to deal with you right now… (Doodling.)
So, yes, I went to youtube and spent a good little while watching Human Centipede – The Musical this morning. That pretty much solved everything.